As usual, the 3 storyline setup takes place before the opening credits.
Story #1 - Phil getting a physical. Any scene with Phil Dunphy is immediately my favorite as he is my hero. Phil is at the doctor's getting a routine physical. I can't do justice to the physical comedy that Ty Burrell always brings to every scene but it's adorable. Unfortunately this time, Phil cries out in pain when the doctor touches his arm in a certain spot. The doctor shows mild concern and encourages some tests. The concern registers on Phil's face and I'm sure we will come back to that. Then it is time for the rectal exam so as Phil says "Let's dim the lights, turn up the Norah Jones music and get this over with!"
Story #2 - Cam and Mitchell return home to Alex babysitting Lily. Mitchell has just received the "Oscar" of the bar association at an Awards dinner. He is very excited and Cam is very proud. Alex is less than impressed as she is usually showered with awards and wouldn't leave the house for a trophy that size. Unphased, Mitchell proudly places his "Oscar" on the mantle below their portrait.
Story #3 - Jay is trying to use the computer when the mouse freezes. This reminds Gloria of a dream she had the previous night about a black mouse which in her country means something bad is coming. Manny appear dressed ala Matt Damon in the Legend of Baggar Vance, the whole reason he wanted to learn Golf in the first place. A knock at the door, it is Javier; Gloria's ex/Manny's Dad. "There's your black mouse" says Jay as Javier wants to take Manny to the track the next day since he's technically a man now. (Is 13 a man?) Gloria insists that Jay go with them since the last time Javier took Manny he took him to "The Petting Zoo" which was a strip club.
Opening Credits.
Story #2 - Mitchell finds another trophy on the mantle. Cam decided to contribute with his fishing trophy when he was a teenager. As usual, Mitchell is 'happy' to see it but to the camera he thinks it's pathetic.
Story #1 - Phil is very disturbed that his lifetime supply of razor blades are all done. Flashback to Phil on a game show answering "3.14159" to a question where the correct answer was "Banana Cream." His consolation prize? A lifetime supply of razors. Oh Phil in your young floppy hair wig. Love it. Luke informs them that his best friend is coming over to play video games. Best friend being an 80 year old war veteran. Luke informs Phil that the doctor called and wants Phil to call him back immediately. Phil does, panicking, but the doctor is on a flight to London. He's concerned that his underarm is tender. Claire replies "Maybe Luke hit you with his broomstick when you guys were playing Quidditch." Phil doesn't think that is the problem but Claire reassures him that everything will be fine. "That's very comforting coming from a Marketing major at a party school." Oh Phil.
Story #3 - Javier, Jay and Manny are at the track. Javier and Jay are naturally arguing over the way to bet. Jay advises Manny to go with the odds in the literature provided whereas Javier advises Manny to listen to his guy and Javier's gut says to go with "My Hometown." The horses talk to him. After going back and forth, Manny decides to go with Javier and bet on "My Hometown.
Story #2 - Mitchell sees that now Cameron has added a stand to his trophy, therefore making it taller than Mitchell's award. An arguement follows with Mitchell telling Cam that his trophy is stupid. "This is an award I received from my peers. You received yours ON a pier." Cam tells Mitchell that the award has changed him and storms out.
Story #1 - Gloria arrives at the Dunphys to help Haley with her Spanish. Haley has no desire to learn since "I live in California, when am ever going to need Spanish?" Gloria yells at how ignorant Americans are when Luke's best friend arrives and tells her to go fight in a war. Luke thinks he's hilarious. Phil comes downstairs and expresses his concern over not knowing the doctor's diagnosis. Gloria tells him about her Black Mouse dream which does nothing but fuel Phil's fire that he's going to die. I mean his lifetime supply of razor blades ran out...TODAY!
Story #3 - At the track, Manny is cleaning up listening to Javier's horse whispering. Jay writes it all off to bullshit and bets $300 on a horse just to prove Javier wrong.
Story #1 - Gloria is tutoring Haley and she is trying but can't concentrate with Phil in the room "taking it all in." He kisses Haley on the forehead and tells her she's a beautiful girl and he loves her and he leaves. Haley says he's weird and Gloria yells at her that "HE'S A SAINT!"
Story #2 - Alex arrives back at Cam and Mitchell's to retrieve her phone she left there. She commisserates with Mitchell about how her Mom always make them all seem equal even when Alex wins awards and Haley gets a prize for showing up somewhere on time and Luke gets a ribbon for just being somewhere. Mitchell felt better but it also makes him realize he's acting like a 14 year old girl.
Story #1 - Luke and Walter are playing video games which again is difficult for focusing since Phil is staring at Luke and telling him how much he loves him. Walter defeats Luke and Luke excuses himself to go to the bathroom. Phil and Walter discuss death. Overhearing the conversation, Claire once again reassures Phil that he will be fine. She is Phil's rock.
Story #3 - At the track, Jay is thrilled when his horse wins. He lectures Manny about the real world and not listening to the garbage from Javier. Until his horse is disqualified from the race for an 'infraction.' Javier reassures Manny that he knew that would happen. Manny feels sorry for Jay so he gives him some cash...for gas.
Story #2 - Mitchell, feeling petty, goes to the garage to get Cameron's trophies to make a huge display and finds he has tons of them. Mitchell is so touched that Cam has all these trophies and never displayed them as to not make Mitchell feel badly. He's about to bring them inside when a black mouse pops out and he dumps the box. Cam arrives with Lily to see him dump the box and is disgusted with his behavior.
Story #3 - Javier apologizes to Jay and Jay apologizes to him for acting that way in front of Manny. He confesses to the camera that he doesn't owe Javier anything. He used to like when he would show up a few times a year, give Jay and Gloria a break. But now, Jay and Manny have their own thing. He knows he isn't his dad but..."Maybe I don't like the reminder." Tear.
Story #1, 2 & 3 - Cam, Mitchell and Lily arrive at the Dunphys. They begin comforting Claire as Gloria has informed them Phil got bad news from the doctor. Claire implores them to be cool. Gloria explains that she saw a black mouse and Mitchell claims "I saw a black mouse too!" Cam rolls his eyes and Gloria knows it is worse than everyone imagined. Jay, Javier and Manny arrive and Javier gives Claire some calming words. She thanks him and asks who he is. Gloria introduces himself and he begins hitting on Claire. Gloria yells and tells him the body isn't even cold yet. Claire again tells everyone he is fine but Jay is confused. Gloria explains her dream and that Phil ran out of his razor blades. Manny and Javier bless themselves claiming it is indeed a bad sign. Claire tells them that the doctor called but they missed it. Jay is surprised that a doctor called on a Saturday which genuinely freaks out Claire. Phil comes downstairs to see everyone's concerned faces. Everyone assures Phil that they're not freaking out but he knows they are and has a meltdown especially when little Lily says "Are you gonna die?" Phil's phone rings; it's the doctor. He was calling about a real estate listing, but Phil is fine. Javier whispers to Jay that he can tell by Phil's eyes that something is wrong and he gives him 6 months. Jay leaves. Cam leers longingly at the handsome, Javier. Mitchell scolds him.
One last flashback to the game show where Phil is telling the audience about himself, his beautiful wife, his baby girl Haley and his love of hip hop but how he likes to stay out of the East Coast vs. West Coast thing. Also, a last shout out to his in-laws Jay and Dee Dee Pritchett whose eternal love is an inspiration.
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