Hannah's recovering from the scuffle at the lake. The girls tell her the Police are gonna scan the lake for Lucas' body but Hannah is convinced that he's still alive. Aria isn't buying that Lucas is helping A but Hannah finally reveals that Lucas was the one that destroyed Allison's memorial. She takes an aspirin and goes to drink from her water bottle but it's filled with nasty lake water followed by a nasty text from "A" telling her she hopes she chokes on lake water.
Hannah informs her Mom and Emily that Lucas called his parents so he is alive. Hannah's mom is infuriated since Hannah was the one responsible for Lucas disappearing. Clearly, they're not filling Sydney, I mean Hannah's mom in on the whole story.
Spencer shows the girls all the proof that "A" has been pretty much using Spencer's lake house for an 'evil lair.' She even finds a receipt. Oh "A," you're getting so sloppy. They decide to go investigate the giver of the receipt, Smitty's, in Philly.
Aria fills in Spencer on her plan to use Holden as a scape goat to see Ezra. Then Holden appears and asks Aria out for real but she rejects him but he says that he called her parents for permission to take her out. Spencer enjoys the awkward moment but Aria accepts.
Mona is suspicious of Noel's behavior but Hannah is still distracted by Lucas disappearance but Mona doesn't care. She is worried she's losing Noel. Hannah sees her homecoming queen photo being removed as the school thinks it's bad PR for a 'juvenile delinquent' to be their queen. Mona is annoyed that she's not even listening to her and tell what a bad friend she is. Hannah goes into the bathroom and cries. She hears someone come in the bathroom but no one answers her. The bathroom begins flooding and Hannah sees a model of the boat she was in with Lucas floating in the sink. She gets a text from "A" that says "Life is but a dream but I'm your nightmare."
Emily gets an anonymous call but soon figures out it's Maya. Maya asks if they're still on for a date that night. She asks if they can get fake ID's so they can truly enjoy the evening.
Spencer and Aria plan on their trip to Philly but Spencer is annoyed with the lack of reception on her phone in the courtyard of the school. (Such problems these girls have) Aria decides to take Holden to a play that she knows Ezra is going to see in hopes that he'll be there. And they decide to get moving.
Caleb and Hannah discuss Lucas who called his parents but didn't want to talk to Caleb. He told his parents they're staying with his cousin but Caleb called his cousin and Lucas isn't there. Caleb really wants to help but Hannah is discouraging his interference. Especially since Caleb wants to go back to the lake house. Caleb wants to know the truth about what happened in the boat and gets pissed at her continually lying to him. (He's so hot) Caleb storms out...tight t-shirt and all. Mona texts Hannah and tells her they need to talk.
Aria and Spencer walk around Philly which in no way looks like a back lot set at all. Smitty's turns out to be a news stand with magazines on the receipt...and yet they can't figure out where to go. Pretty, not Smart Little Liars. Aria points out that Spencer's sister Melissa lives a few blocks from where they are...and yet that's not suspicious? Again, pretty...
Spencer notices a blind girl with a seeing eye dog, and then another blind guy walk by. She wanders around and finds a blind rehab center. Spencer tries to poke around and ask if Jenna is involved there but gets no assistance. Blind dude overhears her and tells Spencer that he knows Jenna.
Emily shows Maya around the crisis center. Maya gets a text and does not look happy about it but doesn't share the content. Maya has to 'deal with it' and says she will meet Emily later. Pause for look of concern at the camera...
Hannah's at home still out out damn spotting the water bottle that had the lake water in it. Emily let's Hannah know about Maya's mysterious text messages. Hannah gets defensive and tells her that everyone needs a little bit of privacy. Misplaced anger, anyone? Since they are in opposite positions, they abandoned their discussion for the time being.
Spencer converses with blind guy who tells Spencer how Jenna was basically his hero because of how motivated and focused she was. They lost touch though because Jenna needed to 'get back home and do things.' He volunteers at the rehab now to give back the inspiration Jenna gave him. He senses that something is weird because he can sense her pulse racing when he shakes her hand since Jenna taught him that trick as she's so good at reading people. Spencer tries to leave but lady at desk makes her sign in the book. As she goes to do so, she takes her chance to look at the records and find out if Jenna was there and steals a record book.
Aria lends Emily her fake ID for Maya even though Aria looks nothing like Maya. Paranoid Hannah locks all the windows and doors since Aria and Emily are both going out. They encourage her to call Mona to come spend the night with her since she and Caleb are fighting. Aria and Emily both offer to cancel their plans but Hannah won't let them.
Aria arrives for her date with Holden. She unfortunately is beginning to really enjoy his company. She grabs her tickets and sees Ezra arriving. They share a very not subtle glance and Aria walks towards him in slow motion but Holden finds her and Ezra gets his ticket and goes inside. Holden's not a fool, Aria. Or is he? A lot of people on this show are so...
Suddenly Spencer is in Philly in the dark and the ghetto and is scared. Mona shows up out of nowhere and scares her. Mona breaks down and tells Spencer that Noel broke up with her and Hanna won't return her calls. Spencer tells her that she's way better than Noel but Mona tells her how hard it was just to get Noel. But Spencer tells her to woMAN up and Mona appreciates her encouragement and thanks her genuinely.
Holden and Aria run into one of their teachers who is complimentary in their interest in live theatre. Aria realizes that she is there with Ezra. She lets Aria know that he left early because he was sick. Aria is gravely disappointed.
Hannah's mom tries to reach out to her but she denies her and repeatedly calls Caleb to try and make up. He won't take her calls though and she expresses her concern on his voicemail. Uh oh. Noise in the kitchen....who could it be? Open door...Hannah can't get it shut...but there are footprints. Someone is in the house!
Maya and Emily wait in line to get into a club and Maya gets yet another mysterious text message. Maya is about to confess something and Emily tells her to take her time in telling her to try and be the cool girlfriend. However, Maya confesses anyway that she hooked up with someone while they were apart. Emily's cool with it but Maya apologizes for not being completely honest because relationships can't begin on lies. Emily confirms that it's over but apparently HE won't take no for an answer. OK, Emily isn't OK that it was a 'he.'
At the theatre, Holden calls Aria out on her not so subtle looks at Ezra. She apologizes and asks him not to rat her out to her parents. Holden obliges and tells her that he has secrets too. And he agrees to maybe be her accomplice in her relationship with Ezra.
Someone's in Hannah's room...it's Lucas! Caleb arrives...and notices that someone snuck in the house. She subtly calls Caleb and he realizes that Lucas is in the house with her. Caleb finds her in time. Caleb wants to know what the fuck is going on. He confesses to the both of them that Lucas lost Caleb's money and he was terrified to tell them. Caleb is furious. Lucas bet on a basketball tournament and lost it all. (Seriously, PLL?) He pulls cash out of his pocket and gives it all to Lucas. It's not all of it, but it's what he had. He's been selling all of his classic comic books. Hannah tells Lucas he isn't who she thought he was...but that's a relief.
She tells the girls the truth and clears Lucas of all of their 'charges.' Spencer shows the girls the blind rehab log book. They realize that Allison did not in fact, visit her at the rehab center. But Garrett did which doesn't give them an alibi for the night Allison went missing. They open up their Chinese food that Emily picked up and it is filled with dirt and maggots. Oh, it's a text from "A." "This is what live bait looks like. Now, we're even, bitches." I love that "A" signs everything bitches.
Pretty lame Lucas plotline kids. We can do better than that. I mean I know Lucas was a diversion from the real "A" but gambling? Really?
I will say this, Network television it's on its way out! If it weren't for the phenomenal Modern Family, it would've been a cable sweep. (Remember the Cable ACE awards?) Modern Family is genius in its own right, but this is also the network that thought "Work It" was a better idea than "Cougar Town."
Best Supporting Actor - Peter Dinklage, Game of Thrones.
I'm always going to root for Modern Family people (or sitcom actors in general) and I did thoroughly enjoy Jesse Tyler Ferguson's 'whatever' sign behind Eric Stonestreet's head, but I'm hearing that GoT is a pretty damn good show and they don't seem to forget the little people, literally. So good for him.
Best Supporting Actress - Jessica Lange, American Horror Story
Again, rooting for sitcom actors, but she was kind of a shoe in. She was amazing on AHS and a riot may have ensued if anyone won but her.
Miniseries and such - I don't watch Downton Abbey, but my theatre nerd friends seem to love it. In the meantime, I'll keep rooting for the sitcoms. Maybe someday I'll be obsessed too but in the meantime, I'm tired of hearing about it.
Drama
Series - Homeland.
Yeah, it was good. I did enjoy the twists and how it always kept you guessing but saying it's a better show than Breaking Bad (which wasn't even nominated) is just plain laughable.
Actor - Kelsey Grammer, Boss.
See above, re: Bryan Cranston. Laughable.
Actress - Claire Danes, Homeland.
She was pretty damn good on that show playing a bi-polar CIA agent. It was nice to see her up there 15 years later after her My-So-Called-Life victory.
Comedy
Series - Modern Family
Simply one of the greats of all time. And yes, in the pool of nominees given, I think it was the best. However, New Girl was nominated over Community and Parks and Recreation which is again, laughable.
Actor - Matt LeBlanc, Episodes.
I am a lifelong Friends fan, always will be so my allegiance to anyone in that cast will always be strong. However, do I think he was the strongest in that group of people? No. I was kind of rooting for Johnny Galecki since Jim Parsons seems to get all the awards on the Big Bang Theory but I knew it was a long shot. That being said, I'm happy Matt LeBlanc got some long overdue recognition. Even if he had to play Matt LeBlanc to get it.
Actress - Laura Dern, Enlightened.
Don't know the show, don't really 'love' her but I'll probably give it a shot at some later date. Amy Poehler had my vote though as Lesley Knope is one of the greatest TV characters anywhere. Even if Tina Fey did photo bomb her, which made it even better. Just really glad Zooey Deschannel wasn't given an award because she has blue eyes. If I hear the word 'adorkable' one more time FOX, I swear...
And that's that.
On another note, I have to admit that my statement about loyalty to television shows has to be revoked. I decided this year to permanently give up on Desperate Housewives, Gossip Girl and 90210. I haven't liked them in a while and was really watching them out of loyalty but I don't know why I'm wasting my time or my megabytes anymore. It's a Breaking Bad kind of a world now, I can't waste my time on bad writing.
Sheila's progress is multiplying as she not only goes her 240 yards, she went all the way to Manny's Organic Produce stand. She's overjoyed. Frank, not so much. If her agoraphobia is cured, Sheila's not going to let him stay there anymore because she'll find out the truth about what a wank he is. The patrons at the bar think it's hilarious. They all laugh about a local lady, Dottie, who is a "butterface" who only has a few weeks to live. She has a city pension but no relatives or anything. Frank sees an opportunity...being shamless and all.
Debbie again begs Fiona for her own room since Frank's never there anyway, there's an extra bedroom. Fiona doesn't have time for it.
Ian and Mandy go to jail to pick up Mickey. Mickey is thrilled to be out but still not ready to be 'out' and play sit straight while Mandy is around.
Frank arrives at Dotties to bring her 'Meals on Wheels.' She is less than thrilled that Frank is the one delivering her meal but Frank manages to get an invite in.
At the bar, Fiona is still getting nowhere with hot DJ as she brings him another beer. Veronica tells her to give it up. Jasmine shows up again with her 'boyfriend' and Veronica patronizes her.
Ian and Mickey hang out in a baseball dugout to drink a beer. They don't waste a lot of time before they begin hooking up.
Frank is trying to move in on Dottie but she is only focused on her pager hoping that the hospital will contact her about a heart transplant which is her only chance for survival. The Meals on Wheels driver arrives and realizes what Frank is doing.
Jasmine offers Fiona some coke with her boyfriend. As well as offering Fiona one of her boyfriend's rich friends. Veronica still does not approve but Fiona really can't beat the tip Jasmine's boyfriend gives her.
At home, Debbie really wants her privacy as she's entering puberty but baby Liam keeps staring at her. She's had it so she moves the crib into the boys room with Carl.
Mickey and Ian finish up. Ian tries to counsel Mickey about his future. He offers to talk to his boss to give him a job. But Mickey is more interested in getting ready to go again.
Lip, (although hot, not sure about the Capri pants), stalking Karen, waits for her Sex Addict sponsor, Jody, to leave and goes into her room so they can have sex.
Dottie calls Frank out and he tries to convince her that he's just trying to be a good friend. She explains how disgusting she has become with her digestive problems. He can't be scared away so he offers to unclog the toilet before he goes. He is revolted and overflows it but keeps at it.
Lip leaves Karen's and runs into Frank on his way out. Frank notices the map of progress on the refrigerator and sees that Sheila's goal is to get to the bar where he hangs out.
Fiona returns home and adds her wad of cash to the can. She's exhausted and goes to bed only to find everybody in different beds because Liam was shoved in to the boys room. She goes to get into Frank's room but there is a pregnant Asian woman in Frank's bed that Frank has rented out his room to. Unphased, she goes downstairs to sleep on the couch.
In the chaotic morning, Fiona tries to get to the bottom of the great bed switch and everyone has someone else to blame. Since Frank rented out his room, Fiona tells Debbie Liam has to go back in with her. She refuses so Liam goes in with the boys. Pregnant Asian lady comes down for breakfast and makes her own food as the Gallaghers stare at her.
When Frank wakes up in the morning, Sheila is excited about her progress. Frank doesn't share her excitement. He takes all of her ex-husbands tools. Fiona calls Frank and tells him someone just dropped off $200 cash off for him knowing full well that will get him over to the house in a hurry. He falls for it and Fiona asks him what the fuck is up with the Asian lady. Frank justifies his decision but Fiona threatens to call the INS. She demands the money from Frank but he spent it already. She tells Asian lady that she can stay but she has to help with the day care. She pretends she doesn't speak English but Fiona threatens to deport her. Carl asks Frank if he can go with him. Frank shamelessly declines him, in his disgusting way. Why is William H. Macy so good?!?!?
At job #2, Veronica rallies up the elderly people up for an excursion. She takes them on a bus trip to the dollar tree store. Then on to CVS. Claire isn't participating just hanging out on the bus. Claire begs her to let them go out on a walk for a little while. Veronica agrees for 10 minutes. Claire and everybody else have a fantastic time at the park and are thrilled to be outdoors. They run into the ice cream/weed truck and the boys are thrilled at the business the elderly bring in for them. Veronica rounds them all up and they are deliriously happy. Claire thanks her profusely and suggest doing it again. And then Harry drops dead.
Frank arrives back at Dottie's house to again try to seduce her? Best line "I like everything about AA...except the no alcohol thing." Dottie lets him in.
Carl does a little remodeling and Harry Potters himself a little bedroom under the stairs. In doing so, he finds Fiona's diary from 7 hours ago.
Ian apparently succeeds at getting Mickey a job as he is now a security guard at the convenience store which Linda is running from her bedroom via security feed and intercom. Lip drops by to buy a bunch of beer and reveals that Ian is studying to get into the Army but Mickey is suspicious. Frank buys a bunch of shit for Dottie and tries to put it on her account...but Mickey stops him and shakes him down. Ian enjoys every last second of it.
Frank heads to the bar for some whiskey and asks the bartender what happened between them. The bartender tells him that she stopped drinking because she kept waking up next to Frank. She tells him they're all appalled that he's moving in on Dottie because she's dying but he claims he is doing the noble thing and that he may actually love her.
At day care, Carl starts reading Fiona's diary to the kids which turns out to be X-rated. Fiona arrives home and is pissed and denies Carl the Harry Potter room under the stairs. Carl's next move is outside. Fiona offers to help him spruce up the van so he can have his own room for a while.
Frank arrives back at Dottie's and she has a to do list for him. She asks Frank if he's just trying to get in her pants which she doesn't understand because she's just a butterface. Frank uses the peep hole for it's intended purpose and checks out Dottie's body. She catches him.
Lip asks Kev for advice and ask why he thinks Karen isn't sleeping with Jody. Kev informs him to watch out for chicks that don't sleep with you because that means they like/love you. This is not what Lip wanted to hear.
Debbie arrives at the elderly home with drawings from the day care for Ginger and Harry. Veronica tells her that Harry has died. Claire asks Veronica to sell her diamond ring for her so that she can take everyone to the Indian Casino for the next excursion.
Jasmine's bf arrives with his friend Richard in tow. Richard calls Fiona out that she probably had no interest in meeting him. She laughs and asks why he came anyway. He said he has to suck up to Jasmine's bf. Fiona asks about the 'arrangement' to be his escort. Richard has no idea, he just came because he was invited.
Frank grabs Dottie and kisses her. Dottie resists but she tells him that she can't have sex. If her blood pressure goes above 120 her heart will explode. "If they fuck, she'll die." Now it seems that Frank's mission is clear.
The episode ends with scenes of sexual tension, Karen sitting on the couch with Jody, Lip waiting for her text that Jody has left and then watching her kiss him passionately and Frank sitting with Dottie. Lip realizes Karen's in love with Jody and runs away.
Episodes aren't really blowing me away so far this year. I just recommended to 100 PC volunteers that this was a great show. I hope it doesn't make me look like a fool. Where's Steve? He needs to come back soon. Ian's looking hotter and hotter and I don't want to go to jail. At least have Lip shirtless, sheesh.
Henry learns a little young that women are not to be trusted. He's approached by a cute girl in the drugstore. She is soon joined by her twin brother but invites Henry to come hang out with them. Henry is thrilled until he is stopped by the pharmacist who finds stolen candy in Henry's bag. "So that's why you were talking to me? So your brother could put the candy in my bag?" Sorry to break it to you, Henry, people are like that. You should know that literally living in a fairy tale.
Flashback time, what is the fairy tale du jour? Hansel and Gretel who just happen to be the young girl and boy Henry met in the drug store. Their father sends the two into the woods (they have to go, they hate to leave they have to though) to get some wood. He gives Gretel his compass so they don't get lost. "Our family always needs to be able to find each other. Less than 2 minutes into an episode, that spells doom. And I'm right as the kids are chased down by evil beings escorting the Queen and Gretel falls and breaks the compass.
Back in the present, evil Queen is picking up Henry from his trouble at the drug store. Emma arrives. The Queen tries to brush her away but Emma's the Sheriff now, she has a right to be there. Emma tries to contact Hansel and Gretel's family but they can't contact them by phone because their 'parents couldn't pay the bill.' Well now, Emma feels like shit. They beg her to let them go.
In the flashback, they try the same thing and beg for their freedom. But the Queen is no Emma. And she as the guards seize them, but they cleverly escape. The Queen laughs at their effort and uses magic to capture them. But she lets them go and swears to catch their Dad so they'll do her a favor.
Emma takes present day Hansel and Gretel home. Emma suspects that something is up but drives away. It is not their home at all and they run around back and sneak into the attic of the house only to be confronted by Emma. She is Snow White's daughter, you know she's got mad skills! She wants to know why they lied. Gretel reveals that they're orphans.
Gretel brings them home to Snow's house. Mary Margaret has never seen them before and is appalled that Emma hasn't reported it to social services. But Emma, having grown up in foster homes, is tentative. Instead, she's gonna try to find their dad or they're gonna get split up. Gretel overhears her and is traumatized. She can't be separated from her brother.
Emma goes to public records and tries to find their birth certificates and is met by paperwork. But county clerk discovers their birth certificates have been pulled. By guess who? Yup, Mayor/Evil Queen. And she's got bad news for Emma. No father listed on the birth certificate and Mayor has contacted the foster system to send the kids to and they will be split up. She tells them to take them to Boston as it's her job as Sheriff.
In flashback land, the Queen leads the kids to the home of the blind witch. The Queen gives them their mission. She needs them to retrieve a black, leather satchel inside the blind witches house. The Queen can't go in because of the spell surrounding the house, but thankfully the spell doesn't work on children. Gretel agrees as long as it means she'll find their father. One more catch...don't eat anything...oh right, it's made of candy.
At the station, Emma chats with Henry and he reveals that they're Hansel and Gretel. Henry's convinced that their dad is in Storybrook since all the fairy tale characters are there somewhere. Henry asks Emma to tell him about his dad. She tells him that she met him when she worked at a diner and he was a firefighter. Whirlwind romance, his career took off, hers didn't, she got knocked up oh and then he died in a fire saving a family. (Wondering if any, or all of that is true. Is he really dead?) Henry asks if she has anything of his and she doesn't but it triggers an idea of how to find Hansel and Gretel's dad.
Emma finds her baby blanket and shows Hansel and Gretel. She tells them that it was the only thing she had from her parents thinking they probably kept something too. Gretel has...the compass. She'll only give it to Emma if she promises they'll stay together. Gretel asks if Emma ever found her parents. She lies and says no.
In flashback land, H and G approach the candy house. For some reason they're all prettied up, I guess more to suit the fairy tale. Hansel is super tempted by all the candy as is Gretel but Gretel threatens him. They see Anya, I mean the blind witch sleeping and they find the satchel. As Gretel steals the satchel, Hansel unable to control himself bites a cupcake thereby awaking Anya, I mean the blind witch. They notice the pile of bones in front of the fire and all the exits seal around them and Anya, I mean the blind witch gets excited for 'dinner.'
Emma comes to see Mr. Gold at the antique shop to get information about the old compass.
Mr. Gold remembers it being purchased at his shop. He finds the record and says his price is her forgiveness. Emma offers tolerance and that will have to do and he gives her the name. But there is no information on the card at all.
She finds Daddy that Mr. Gold named working at a garage and he denies that he could be a father especially twins. He's in denial but Emma assures him he does and that he can't let them go in to foster care. He can't afford it though. So she pulls out the big guns, or in this case, the big compass. It's his. Emma lays it on thick that he needs to take responsibilities. Probably a little misplaced anger, but he's like, yeah, i can't do that.
Emma tells MM that Daddy Dearest doesn't want the kids. Emma admits to MM that she lied to Henry about his dad as he was NO hero. (Called it). Queen Mayor asks why Emma hasn't left yet and tells her she should get going.
Anya, I mean the blind witch tries to ready the children for a meal. They're terrified. Gretel comes up with a plan. Anya, I mean the blind witch pulls Gretel out of the cage. She steals the key and tosses it to Hansel but he blows it. Luckily they are able to, guess what? Shove her into the oven. Fairy tales are really demented. The Queen arrives and lights the fire to kill her. It was her plan all along?
H and G arrive to see the Evil Queen to give her the satchel and inside is the poisoned apple. She tells them they deserve better than a father who abandoned them in the woods. Since they've impressed the Queen by surviving Anya, I mean the blind witch, she offers for them to move in with her in the castle and make all their dreams come true. But Gretel refuses and tells her she's awful and they'll choose roaming the forest looking for their family then being around her. The Queen whips up a spell.
Emma puts the kids in the cop car and returns the compass. They are heartbroken that she lied to them. Henry pleads with Emma to not leave Storybrook as something bad will happen. On the way out of town, the car breaks down. Trouble in Storybrook? Come on, now.
In flashback land, in the mirror the Queen sees Snow befriending dwarves and is disgusted. (It's no stranger than your thing with dwarfs. Dwarves! Dwarves are very upsetting...) The guards bring in the kids captured Dad. She reveals that she told his children that he abandoned them. She offered their children everything but they chose uncertainty because of their blind faith in their dad and she wants to know why. He tells her it's because they're a family and family always finds one another. She's not happy with this response but releases him someday when they all find each other. H and G awaken and know that everything will be fine.
In present day, Emma waits for roadside assistance. Gretel's compass starts to work. The tow truck arrives and guess who the driver is. She staged the car breaking down so he would come. She just wanted him to see the kids. Plan works, he gets them out of the car and introduces himself.
At home, Emma tells MM that their Dad came through. MM tells Emma to not give up looking for her parents. But Emma thinks that if they wanted to meet he they wouldn't make it so hard to find them. She even tells her Henry's crazy theory that MM is actually Snow White and she is Emma's mother. They both chuckle at the possibility. Emma goes out for a walk and MM finds Emma's baby blanket and is attracted to it but brushes it off.
Henry finds Emma and brings her some pumpkin pie, like his fictional hero dad used to like. Emma has a moment when she wants to come clean but decide that it's better he thinks his Dad was a hero. Henry tells her he's pleased how she helped Hansel and Gretel.
At the last moment, a stranger arrives on a motorcycle. They recommend Granny's B&B to him. He doesn't give his name. Emma tells Henry that he said strangers don't come to Storybrook. Henry reiterates that they don't.
New love interest? New Prince Charming? Oh the possibilities.
So Californication is not for the bashful folk as we start this week with Hank getting a blow job. Yup from Samurai Apocalypse's gf, the lovely seat mate from his flight to LA. He compliments her work but they are interrupted by Samurai who opens fire on them with a machine gun. Surprise, it's a dream. Hank is awakened by Charlie AT Charlie's. At first he's wondering if it was Charlie blowing him since the dream was so vivid and all but Charlie assures him that he wasn't. But Hank wants OUT of dodge. He's done with LA. He tells Charlie that he doesn't like Samurai but Charlie needs Hank to be the one to tell Samurai that. "He loves your black ass!"
Karen calls to let Hank know that Becca is still really upset with him and he should make up with her before he leaves. Their conversation is interrupted by Karen's husband sexing her up on the couch. Hank asks Charlie to get him an iPad to give to Becca to win back her affection. I need to get an agent. Charlie agrees if Hank sits down with Samurai.
Hank shows up on campus with an iPad for Becca but she already has one. (Man, I miss LA). She tells him to up his game in the bribery department. He tries to apologize but winds up insulting Tyler. Tyler arrives. Hank didn't know he was a grad student. He was Becca's TA. He tries to reprimand her but she reminds him that in his one semester as a teacher he slept with his TA, the Dean's wife and a student/stripper. Tyler is impressed. Hank winds up giving the iPad to Tyler as a peace offering.
Hank arrives at Samurai's and runs into gf in the pool and informs her of the dream he had about her. He tries to pour on the charm. Samurai interrupts and warns him not to hit on 'his girl' even though gf insists she's not his. Hank tries to pull out of the deal but Samurai continuously accuses him of racism. Samurai asks him to give him one day to prove that he wants this job.
At school, Marcy, Charlie and Stu are called in because the baby was caught masturbating in class in front of a girl. Marcy thinks it's hilarious but she blames Charlie. Charlie asks how to repair the situation. The teacher asks for an apology to the girl and Stu offers a big donation as well. All is well. Stu tells Charlie that they fired the nanny and are interviewing new ones.
Samurai takes Hank riding around and cruising to bond. Samurai tries to get Hank to like hip hop but he doesn't bite. Until he hears one song he likes which of course is gf singing. Samurai confesses that she's truly something special to him which usually means it's only a matter of time before Hank bangs her to ruin their friendship. Samurai takes Hank to meet Peter Berg who is NOT a fan of Hank as they have 'been inside some of the same people.' (Lovely) Samurai tells Peter that Hank is his writer. Peter ain't havin' it. Samurai excuses himself and tells them to work it out. Hank tells him he's desperately trying to get out of the deal but Samurai won't let him. Peter reveals that Hank slept with his girlfriend while they were still going out. Hank fucked someone's girlfriend and now that someone hates him. Redundant much, Californication? Peter Berg takes him outside and challenges him to a fight. Samurai sees the fight and finds out what Hank did and takes Peter's side as he would 'kill' someone who did that.
Charlie arrives at the pre-school girls house to apologize and immediately scares the little girl and the nanny. He apologizes to her mother (Vanessa Angel?) who turns out to be married to a big wig at WB. He discovers that she hates her husband as he's physically violent with her. Charlie winds up having a drink with her. They bond and turns out she once slept with Marcy's husband and Stu had a fondness for Golden Showers. (Ew) She basically dares Charlie to get naked and masturbate in front of her. He's confused, but it's Charlie so he obliges. She talks dirty to him and he loves it. The Nanny walks in it but Charlie 'finishes' anyway. He leaves very confused...and oddly satisfied. The Nanny leaves as she was fired. Charlie apologizes to her. The Nanny warns him that she sleeps with pretty much anyone who walks through the door. Charlie offers her the Nanny job for his son.
After smokin out in Samurai's van, they arrive at the recording studio to see gf recording a new single. Hank is mesmerized but realizes how dangerous Samurai's posse is when one of them accidentally shoots another in the studio. Samurai takes Hank out to the club with gf and asks him one last time what he thinks. Hank respectfully declines since he's just seen a shooting, still attracted to gf and has a black eye from Peter Berg. But Hank is more distracted because he sees Tyler in the club making out with another girl. He confronts him and Tyler tries to make excuses but Hank knows one when he sees one. Tyler dares him to hit him if he wants Becca to hate him for life. Tyler sends him away. Hank goes back to Samurai and lets him know the situation and as much as he wants to hurt Tyler he doesn't want to hurt his daughter anymore. Samurai isn't the only one impressed as gf puts her hand on Hank's. Hank excuses himself and wishes them luck.
Hank goes to see Karen and Bates and Karen pretends to be surprised that Hank has a black eye after being in town for only 2 days. Hank asks Becca if they can talk. He apologizes and tells her how much he loves her. He just doesn't trust guys because they're like him and all he does is hurt people. His one weakness, the love of his daughter and ex-wife.
Karen compliments him for sucking it up. Becca gets a call that Tyler is in the hospital after being jumped by a bunch of gang bangers. Hank gets a text from Samurai saying there's no need to thank him just write his movie. Another impossible situation?
Fringe has been gone so long, it was one of those rare moments when I appreciate the "previously on" montages at the beginning.
Peter is happy. Walter is cooking chocolate chip/banana pancakes in the kitchen and chatting up a storm. Olivia kisses him good morning. This is where he wants to be. Walter promises he will get the machine working again soon but he drops it and wakes Peter from his dream. Walter is the only one who can get him back there and Peter knows it.
At the lab, Walter is in a good mood. Peter arrives and scares him but Peter has got to get on the same page with him. Peter tells him that the machine snapped him out of his timeline and he needs Walter's help to get him back there. Walter knows the machine is too dangerous, I mean it can destroy universes. Peter apologizes for breaking Walter's boundaries but he is desperate to get back home. Walter softly recounts when his wife committed suicide. He regrets going to another universe to find an alternate Peter and not grieving with his wife. He lost everything. "I may be the only man that can help you. But I'm also the only man who can NOT help you."
Undeterred, Peter goes to visit Olivia. He asks her for a favor. He would like her to ask Broyles to get Peter permission to cross the bridge into the other universe. If Walter won't help Peter, he needs to ask Walternate for help. Olivia warns him that Walternate is untrustworthy. He doesn't care, it's his only option. But she still thinks Broyles won't let him. And even if he did, he would never be able to get to Walternate, he's the Secretary of Defense. Lincoln Lee arrives to visit Olivia and is less than pleased to see Peter already there. But Peter realizes that alternate Lincoln Lee could be his way to Walternate. Olivia agrees. She wants to go over too to investigate the shape-shifter dilemma. But Peter wants no part of it because if she gets busted that's Peter's only way home. Olivia backs down...a little too easily, Lincoln notices.
In alternate universe, random little boy goes into a public restroom and notices two men in a stall. His mom assumes it's some gay lovin' goin' on. The cop goes in to investigate and shapeshifter escapes with dead body left on the stall. With super human ability he leaps a bus to get away from a cop but is immediately struck and killed by another oncoming bus.
In the alternate universe, lead scientist brings to Walternate the shape-shifter technology. It seems as if Walternate is 'not involved.' The scientist is wary of leaving the technology with Walternate but obliges.
OliviA and Alt. Lincoln are investigating the death but they are called off when the DOD arrives to take over the investigation. OliviA isn't happy.
Olivia and Peter are driving in a Nissan (product placement) on their way to the theatre, the soft spot for crossing over. Olivia still has a headache but she needs to be there. Lincoln comes dressed as Alt. Lincoln ready for the crossover with Peter. Lincoln is nervous and Peter thanks her as he crosses in. She wishes Lincoln good luck. They cross through successfully.
Alt. Astrid and Alt. Broyles notice a security breach upon Lincoln and Peter's arrival. Lincoln is a little taken aback at the sight of the Twin Towers.
In the lab, the DOD soldiers bring in the body of the dead shapeshifter. Walternate evacuates the lab and does his own investigation. Inside the body he finds...um...something significant. (Judging by the volume increase in dramatic music)
Lincoln Lee arrives on the dock to transport his 'prisoner' Peter to transfer to Liberty Island. He talks his way on to the island. The guard asks for his ID but Lincoln tells him he jumped into the East river so he didn't have his ID. But he can just give his hand print which of course works because it's an alternate universe...weird...guard calls for the ferry. The guard reports Lincoln's ID lost. (I feel like that will come back later).
Alt. Lincoln and OliviA go to investigate the breach but there is nothing there. Alt. Broyles and Alt. Astrid write it off as a false alarm. OliviA isn't focused. She's still thinking about the shape-shifter. The kind that the other universe is accusing them of sending. Interesting, they're both accusing each other. But OliviA thinks maybe Walternate is pretending to be confused to cover up his own involvment. But Alt. Lincoln's car won't start because his ID has been reported lost. Alt. Lincoln calls the dock and asks what's up. The guard is confused since "Lincoln" is within is eye line. Lincoln is grilling Peter about the layout of the DOD. Peter figures out that Lincoln is a mole and doing Olivia's plan for her. He can NOT get caught or he is screwed. OliviA and Alt. Lincoln arrive at the dock and arrest Lincoln and Peter. Peter tries to explain it's not what it looks like but they don't care. Lincoln and Alt. Lincoln come face to face. (Parent trap special effects). Olivia asks who the hell Peter is.
Alt. Broyles informs Walternate that Lincoln and 'Peter Bishop' have arrived. Walternate is speechless that his 'son' has arrived. He instructes Alt. Broyles not to contact the other side until they've had a chance to interrogate them.
Peter is pissed that he can't trust Lincoln and Olivia. But Lincoln explains that the shapeshifters are his first priority right now to protect the American people. Peter tells him it is not his fight. Dude driving Peter and Lincoln's car receives a call and he veers off course and basically kidnaps the two. He shoots his counterpart. Alt. Lincoln and OliviA cannot get anyone on the radio. The rogue car arrives at it's destination and removes their handcuffs. He has his orders to kill them. His counterpart shoots him and through a struggle, Lincoln kills him. Peter takes charge and they escape.
Alt. Astrid tracks down the vehicle and OliviA finds agents down. Alt. Lincoln follows the vehicle with Lincoln and Peter. (Are we confused yet?) But Peter's not there. They take Lincoln into custody and he informs OliviA and Alt. Lincoln that he has no idea where Peter went. Alt. Lincoln tells Lincoln (!!) that since they killed two agents, every cop in the city would be out for blood. Lincoln tells Alt. Lincoln (!!!!) that yeah, his plan was to come to the alternate universe just to kill two agents. Alt. Lincoln tells Lincoln his story doesn't make sense. I mean who would want them dead? Lincoln tells them it was Walternate. Lincoln tells them he needs to trust him about the shape-shifters because Peter told him that OliviA could be trusted. He tells them to trace the call that their agent got. They start to wonder...hmmmmm.
Peter goes to see his mom. He scares the bejeezus out of her, being her dead son and all. She's amazed to see him and thrilled. He tries to explain what version of Peter he is but it's a little complicated. He implores her to help him get to Walternate so he can get home. She's always dreamed that he would be happy and she will do anything to make sure that he gets that. But he tells her she can't let anyone know he's there as someone is trying to kill him. Walternate's men arrive to shoot Peter but she protects him and order them to take herself and Peter to the DoD to see Walternate.
Alt. Lincoln and OliviA detain Lincoln in a secret office while they trace the phone call to the agent.
Peter and his Mom arrive at Walternate's office. Walternate instructs the restraints to be removed and the soldiers to leave. Peter confesses that he's not their son. Walternate already knows and Mom begs Walternate to help him. He asks her if he can get a minute alone with Peter. Peter thanks her warmly before she leaves them. Peter congratulates Walternate on a supreme performance on being 'surprised' to see him. Walternate naturally has known about Peter's existence for a while as he monitors the other universe. Peter informs him that everyone knows that he's responsible for the shapeshifters. But it is NOT his fight. He just wants to get home with Walternate's help. Walternate summons scientist and has scientist assures Peter that Walternate has nothing to do with the shape shifter infiltration. Walternate promptly shoots him with the gun and kills him. He's a shape shifter. Walternate was aware of this which was why he kept taking the tech away from him. He proves to Peter that someone else is indeed behind this and Walternate doesn't know what to do about it. Peter tells him he needs to expose the shape shifters to clear his name. Walternate reveals to Peter that he is the only person he trusts since he has no alliances to either side. He's telling Peter that he needs to relay to the other side that Walternate is innocent and their enemy is a common one. If he does so, Walternate will help him get home. Peter admits that he was wrong. "You are not the man I thought you'd be." Walter replies "You are exactly the man I hoped you'd be." An alliance is formed.
OliviA and Alt. Lincoln trace the call and although it isn't traced to the DOD or Walternate, OliviA still wants to follow up on it. OliviA wants to align herself with Lincoln but Alt. Lincoln is tentative. They decide to go to Alt. Broyles. And although they do not reveal all, they ask him for a little leeway and would like to follow up on the traced call. He agrees. He then calls mystery man (or as I know him Mad Men's Lane Pryce) and let's him know that 'they are on their way to you.' Behind mystery man is a lab full of shape-shifter subjects.
In the theatre, as Olivia waits for the boys, the Observer appears and plays the most annoying game of shadowing. He tells her he has something to tell her but he's been shot. He doesn't have a lot of time. "I have looked at all possible futures and in every one the result is the same. You have to die." She grabs her phone to call for help but he's disappeared.
Not exactly what you want to hear from a creepy man in an abandoned theatre. Did we just glimpse the ending of Fringe?
Only 3 episodes left of Chuck. Here's the first of 3.
When we last left the team, the surprising crack team of Jeffster figured out and found the secret lair below the Buy More and were subsequently shot with tranquilizers. So we open with Casey and Morgan staging a drunken car wreck with Jeff and Lester and Casey using 'short term memory' gas on them. (Is that really a thing? Bet it'd be a hit on college campuses) Situation diffused? I certainly hope not.
Sarah wakes up incredibly paranoid after hearing noises and takes her gun to the front door to find her paper being delivered. Reality. She tells Chuck she's kind of done with the spy game. She suggests maybe they turn Carmichael Industries into more of a cyber Terrorism spy organization so they're not fighting bullets but keyboards. After some convincing, they get Casey and Morgan on board now that they both have people to live for. Only catch? They don't need a cover anymore, so they really don't need to work at the Buy More. As sentimental Morgan returns to the Buy More, Big Mike gives him a package that was delivered for him. It's his old iPhone that he lost when he was being mindmelted by the intersect. On the iPhone the 4 discover a video message Morgan taped about finding another pair of Intersect glasses and hiding them. But since Morgan was on a bender at the time he has no idea where he was or where he hid the glasses. Sarah tells them they now have one last mission. Casey, Chuck and Morgan freak out as whenever anyone says 'one last mission' it dooms the mission to fail.
Sarah searches through Morgan's phone for clues and finds a bunch of snowboarding pics and a commend from a "BD." They suggest Morgan text "BD" and see if they can piece together clues. Chuck asks Ellie to hypnotize Morgan to try to remember stuff. She reluctantly agrees.
Jeff and Lester wake up in the desert where they were set up by Casey and Morgan. They have huge headaches and piece together they must've gone to Vegas. But when Jeff finds women's underwear they immediately figure out that something is wrong. The last thing they remember is investigating the Buy More and vow to continue the investigation. It may take them a while to get back though as they are miles away from civilization.
Ellie breaks through with Morgan and he keeps repeating the phrases "Emerald, Gold and 10."
Jeff and Lester arrive back at the Buy More and are on the job.
A strange customer comes in to the Buy More to return a blender. Alex intervenes and admits that this guy "Dale" was the guy she was dating while she and Morgan were on a hiatus. Dale is now obsessed with Alex and Morgan realizes that she 'acted out' while they were broken up and Casey was full aware of it. Morgan receives a text from "BD" to meet up for drinks that night. Morgan flips out over Alex and needs to know every detail of what happened. Chuck and Sarah advise against that. Through some digging, they find the location where "BD" wants to meet in Vail, Colorado. The team goes to the bar with Morgan as backup. He's still pissed about Alex when he realizes "BD" is Bo Derek, yes, the real Bo Derek and she approaches him and kisses him to the amazement of Chuck, Sarah and Casey. They are stunned to learn that Morgan 'rocked her world.' Morgan admits to Bo that he's a little fuzzy about that evening.
Jeff and Lester are now in Vail as well and are hot on the trail. Jeff decides to write things on his arm so they won't forget anything this time.
Bo reveals how Morgan was bragging that he had saved the world. Sarah thinks the glasses are in the safe in Bo Derek's room. He is tentative because he doesn't want to screw things up with Alex. Casey and Sarah tell him to get on it. Back in Bo's room, Bo starts to tear Morgan's clothes off. Chuck encourages him to keep going and get her to tell him what else happened that night. Bo, details their evening while Sarah and Casey interview the wait staff in the bar. Casey notices that Jeff and Lester are 'trailing them.' A bar patron tells Sarah that he gave Morgan a tattoo. Morgan excuses himself from Bo's room to go get ice.
Casey get Jeff and Lester and "Men in Black"'s them with his phone. (Again, does this exist?) Chuck finds Morgan and finds the 'tattoo' on the underside of his lip that says "Don't trust Bo Derek" just in time for Bo to pull a gun on Chuck and Morgan. But Sarah happily knocks her out since Chuck admits his boyhood crush on her.
Jeff and Lester once again wake up in the desert again listening to 'The Weight' by the Band. (Great song choice). In true Groundhog's Day fashion, they once again realize they've been set up because of the woman's underwear. Jeff sees on his arm that he wrote 'Bo Derek.'
Chuck and Morgan interview Bo Derek and asks how she got involved with the Intersect. She reveals that she was alerted to Morgan's VERY public display of being the Intersect in Colorado and was sent there to detain him. Morgan remembers that he was pretty subtle but his flashback says differently. In the flashback, Bo very easily seduces Morgan and recounts their wild night. Chuck and Morgan are stunned but Bo tells Morgan it was purely physical, there were 'no rainbows.' In the flashback Bo's boss reveals that he's going to erase Morgan's short term memory. Morgan fights them off and steals the glasses and escapes but has no idea where he hid them.
Casey, Sarah, Chuck and Morgan try to figure out where Morgan may have hidden the glasses. Morgan knows he would've put them somewhere familiar. But Alex arrives at the Buy More and he decides that he should come clean about Bo Derek. Chuck and Sarah advise against it, but he tells Alex everything. Alex, of course, thinks he full of shit and again reassures Morgan that Dale means nothing to her. They decide that they're 'even' and want to move past it. Big Mike comes in and asks Morgan if he has the key to the vault because he can't find it. This triggers Morgan's memory, he hid the glasses in the Buy More vault. Emerald and Gold. Is there a Buy More in Vail? Yup. Chuck finds that there was a break-in that night. Casey realizes he may never get away from the damn Buy More.
Jeff and Lester arrive back again. Lester wants to confront him but Jeff decides that this time they should fly under the radar so they don't end up in the desert again.
The team of 4 head back to Colorado in business suits. One of the employees immediately remembers Morgan and is so pumped that he's back in town, he tweets his arrival. The 4 realize that even though they are in a Buy More in Colorado, there are eerie similarities/dopplegangers to the one in Burbank. They pose as a corporate security check team and ask to be let into the vault. The manager wants to call and get approval so of course Sarah tranqs her and Casey erases her short term memory. (Seriously with this thing?) Chuck gets ready to crack the vault but Morgan remembers the code...1, 2, 3, 4. Can always count on Buy More lazier. They try to figure out what's going on and why the Buy More is so ridiculously busy. Chuck sees the new version of the game "Gunz n Gold" and inside the cardboard vault they find the intersect glasses. Jeff and Lester go to make a quick escape but they knock over a bunch of displays and 'J'Accuse' them of being spies. However, the Buy More at that moment is attacked and Bo's boss, Nikoli, arrives to collect.
Nikoli calls Chuck out and tells him that Bryce Larkin stole the intersect from him and gave it to Chuck but it was originally supposed to go to Nikoli. He's been captured and running until now and he wants what's his. Both Morgan and Chuck warn him that it's not all it's cracked up to be and he should run from it. Chuck points out Sarah and how Chuck never could've landed her without the intersect.
Shoot out ensues.
Jeff and Lester watch as the super spies take out all the enemies. Casey's habit is to follow the rest and hunt them down but Chuck urges him to call Beckman and just be done with it once and for all since they all survived. Casey agrees. Jeff and Lester beg them to erase their memories as they are both scarred from what they just saw. Casey obliges.
They wake up in the desert once again, same thing happens. They read Jeff's arm and figure that they must've solved it all and it was anti-climactic. Big Mike arrives with Subway (ridiculous product promo, but whatever, they kept them on the air all these years. Props to you, Subway) Mike suggests since they're already half way to Vegas they should just go. Road trip!
Sarah heads to the Castle early. She calls Chuck and wakes him up and tells him how excited she is for the next phase of their lives. They hang up happy.
But Nikoli arrives and knocks Chuck out and he is abducted. He calls Sarah and tells her to bring the Intersect to the pier or he will kill him. Sarah arrives with Casey in tow but they are ambushed. Casey shoots first and they get into a shootout. They are trapped...and are almost out of ammunition. Sarah has no choice...she puts on the glasses!!!!!!! And takes out the entire team. She's the intersect now.
