The doorbell rings and it's the best neighbors in the world (Ana Gasteyer and Chris Parnell, I want to live next door to them) telling them a fire hydrant was run over which is why the water went out.
At school, Mr. Wolfe (aka Lloyd) is really excited by having his first real life undercover NARC on campus. "It's like The Wire!" However, the cop (TRAV!!!!!!!) doesn't think it's exciting to have so many kids using narcotics. Mr. Wolfe assigns Tessa to be Josh's 'buddy' and show him around. She explains to him how the burbs is a little different. Case in point? A run in with Dalia.
George complains to Noah about how expensive it is in the suburbs to always repair and weather things around the house. Noah...well Noah is Noah. Joke/dig/joke/dig...yada yada yada. George also, finally, confesses that things are weird with him and Dallas since she kissed him. Noah thinks it's totally normal except that it's hot that they kissed. I mean Dallas is smoking. The fact that she's married makes it way hotter.
Tessa introduces Josh to Lisa who falls instantly in love and does her own "I carried a watermelong" version of a hello. Lisa asks Tessa to put in a good word for her, meaning, tell him that she's adopted.
At the country club, George forgets his keys and Dallas teases him with them. Dallas notices the tension and thinks the two of them should talk.
Tessa tries to put in a good word with Josh for Lisa but notices Josh checking out Lisa's brother. Oh, he's gay. Fabulous!
Tessa confides in George about Josh but she thinks he is in the closet. She just wants everyone to be proud of who they are, like she is. Her Dad points out that no one knows she DVR's 'For the Love of Ray J." Everyone has secrets.
At the supermarket, full on innuendo, Dallas pops up and encourages George to squeeze her melons...cantaloupes to be exact. George confronts Dallas and tells her she is married. She is SO confused. They run into the neighbors who subtly tell George that the eruption of his geyser will cost them to have to repave their driveway. I cannot do justice to all the entendres in this scene. Genius.
Tessa tries to call Josh out on his gayness but he mistakes it for knowing he's a cop and flips out and pushes her into a broom closet. In true, Three's Company-esque misunderstanding form, they both misconstrue what the other is talking about and she leads him to some other guy named Dave to 'hit on' or investigate for drugs as far as he's concerned. Oh, miscommunication. Josh needs to get out of 'this closet' meaning the broom closet. Hilarious.
Tessa breaks the news to Lisa that Josh is gay. As is Dave, the quarterback, as is Clay Aiken. Lisa's gaydar isn't what you'd call 'on point.' But Lisa is undeterred. After sharing her photos of what they're children might look like on buildyourbabies.com (is this really a thing?) she tells Tessa that even if Josh is gay, she is up for the challenge of getting him to switch teams. (Oh if I had a dime for every girl in college that tried this maneuver. IT DOESN'T WORK, LADIES!!!!!!)
After seeing Josh attempting to bond with the football players, Tessa goes to Mr. Wolfe and asks for advice to help her friend come out of the closet. Mr. Wolfe assumes it is her, naturally so she asks him how he came out? "From Indiana," he asks? Tessa realizes that he too is not out of the closet and is of no help. Especially after showing her a picture of his heterosexual girlfriend. Poor girl...
Dallas takes George to a construction space where she wants to make her own business selling 3D hologram paper weights. (Is there a demand for this?) But he calls her out on her seduction of him and tells her to knock it off. Dallas of course is offended saying it's all innocent but George doesn't believe her and storms off. A lot of storming in this episode.
Lisa, dressed like a dude attempts to bond with Josh which he rebuffs and finds Tessa to thank her for 'turning him on' to Dave. Josh tells her it's all going down today in the hall. Chrissy, I mean Tessa looks confused until 2 police officers tackle Dave. And Tessa realizes her gaydar may be a bit rusty.
Tessa confesses to George that she's pretty embarrassed to have jumped to such a stupid conclusion which makes George feel like a douche for doing the same thing to Dallas. George goes to Dallas to apologize and Dallas assures him there is nothing between them. When she kissed him it was just because she missed her husband. She offers George the construction contract once again and he accepts. He asks one last time that the kiss mean nothing and she assures him it did not and for the first time, he looks a little hurt.
Lisa is thrilled to hear that Josh isn't gay but, he is married. So she was looking at a sister wife situation. Mr. Wolfe interrupts to make the announcement of Dave going off to juvy. Also, to never take drugs. Also, to not accept rides from strangers. Also, to never eat veal medallions if the cafeteria serves them. Also...he's gay. He thanks Tessa for helping him be comfortable enough to come out. She has her gay friend after all.
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